I should probably like myself more than I do.

Actually. I should probably like myself less than I do.

I used to love that bit of time between going to bed and falling asleep. It was my favorite time of day. I owed nothing to no one, and was free to just lie in peace and dream.

Now I hate it.

Lately, I listen to the same 5 songs every night when I'm trying to go to sleep:

-- "Sweet Disposition" - The Temper Trap

-- "Moving pictures silent films" [Live] - Great Lake Swimmers

-- "I Won't Be Found" [Daytrotter] - The Tallest Man on Earth

-- "Hold Your Breath" [Daytrotter] - The Acorn

-- "Northern Lights" - Bowerbirds

If I'm still awake and not drifting off to sleep by the end of "Hold Your Breath," I know it's gonna be a while before I fall asleep. And it always is. It's awful. I can't stop thinking long enough to reach peace. And then when I do finally sleep, I often have terribly unsettling dreams, and don't sleep well. That's why I end up staying up so late, even when I'm exhausted: I know I'm going to have trouble sleeping regardless, and even if I don't, I'm likely going to have discomforting dreams.

I don't know what to do to fix it.

Or is this the dream I've been saving?

Oh, where the heart beats slower and slower

To almost nothing,

Almost nothing,

Almost nothing.

I took it for love, or at least something beautiful

Out there in the spotlight,

I turned around suddenly, turned around squinting

And saw that it was headlights.

And then the truth, the truth was unbearable.

Oh, and imminent,

Bearing down on these two shadow animals...

Moving pictures silent films

[Great Lake Swimmers]

Waiting is the hardest part. I just want to know.

Where did March go?

Where did this semester go?

51 days til graduation.

...shit.