PRIDE.

Okay, so like, I was watching Love Actually yesterday, and oh em gee, I love that movie like, so much. It's super cute and there are so many hot dudes in it. Colin Firth? Hugh Grant? RODRIGO SANTORO? He totally breaks my heart though. UGH when Laura Linney doesn't sleep with him because of what she feels are her obligations to her brother? KILLS ME. I want to be like, OH MY GOD JUST TURN OFF YOUR PHONE AND SLEEP WITH THE SWEET GORGEOUS MAN WHO IS TELLING YOU THAT HE THINKS YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. But of course she doesn't. Gets me every time yo. I cry inside. And sometimes IRL.

The only other sort of unhappy ending in that movie is Emma Thompson. She is so adorbz. And soooo classy. She knows her husband is cheating on her, she warns him about it, and he still goes and falls into Skinny Office Bitch's trap anyway! H8 U SKINNY OFFICE BITCH. And I always want to be like, ALAN RICKMAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP SCREWING EMMA OVER SHE DOESN'T DESERVE THAT. Because in a way, it's so NOT about the fact that it happened. It's about the fact that it happened and EVERYONE KNOWS. When she calls him out on it, he doesn't deny it, and calls himself a classic fool, but she points out to him: "You've made ME a fool. You've made the life I lead FOOLISH." And then she goes and praises her awful son Bernard and her nameless daughter and tells them they made rockin Nativity lobsters because she rules.

That's what it's about though, in a way, isn't it? PRIDE. It hurts, knowing that someone you trusted and love has in some way betrayed you. But like, it's almost worse - maybe it IS worse - to be made to look foolish before the rest of the world. It's like, you were taken advantage of, you were used, and you trusted when perhaps you shouldn't have - you should have known better. And of course that's silly and irrational, but that's how it feels, right? Everyone will know and everyone will judge and somehow it will be YOUR fault, because who could respect someone that lets her husband who supposedly loves her go sleep with a Skinny Office Bitch? How can you respect yourself for being such a fool? You let your feelings cloud your judgement and it's embarrassing. In a way, I think the blow to one's pride hurts more than the betrayal itself. And like, how lame is that? To be more afraid of having your pride hurt more than of being emotionally hurt. That's more disgusting, more embarrassing, than actually having it happen.

Ugh. Pride, man. It's the worst.