It's recently been pointed out to me that I have a tendency to express feelings of anger through tears. I cry when I'm sad and depressed, I cry when I'm frustrated and feeling unable to communicate what I want to, but I also cry when I'm angry. I rarely yell or even speak with hostility. I don't like conflict. I try to avoid it. I'm the diplomat, more often than not - the peacemaker, the person always ready to apologize or forgive first. And usually when I'm angry, I'm so overwhelmed and surprised by the feeling that I'm speechless, and I don't know what to say or how to react, and then the next thing you know the tears are flowing. Characteristically enough, I'll try to brush it off and ignore the fact that I'm feeling anything, or find reasons to condemn my anger as irrational. But that sometimes (okay, frequently) leads me to being passive aggressive, channeling my anger into scathingly sarcastic comments that are totally unnecessary. But mostly I just cry.

I don't understand why I do this. It's almost as though I don't feel justified in being angry, so instead I internalize it and become upset with myself. I don't understand it. Why I can't just let myself experience the feelings that I have every right to feel? Ugh. I hate feelings and being sensitive and all that. It never leads to anything good.