"Though justice be thy plea, consider this:

...That in the course of justice, none of us
Should see salvation; we do pray for mercy..."
- William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

Being raised Christian in America is an interesting paradox.

Aside from being taught that God is just, Christians are taught that He is merciful, and they should be merciful as well.

Americans live under a government with a powerful justice system. Wrong-doers are punished, as they should be - as is fair.

Mercy, though - mercy isn't fair. Mercy is absolving wrong-doing wholly, even when it isn't deserved. There is no punishment. No retribution. Just forgiveness, freely given. There is no justice in mercy.

And I don't mean to say that the teaching of mercy is limited only to Christians. Anyone with a strong moral compass may believe in being merciful. Yet even these people, I'm sure, at some time or another desire justice. Not revenge, not pay-back - only justice, fair and simple. Yet how can they desire justice and mercy at the same time? And which road should they take?

Because then, isn't justice sometimes necessary to acceptance, and consequently to receiving closure? Aren't there times when mercy and forgiveness don't result in closure? How do you get it then?

Furthermore, where is the line between forgiving mercifully and forgiving out of, indirectly, fear? Avoidance is a form of fear, and avoiding confrontation thereby a motivation born of fear. True, forgiving someone just to avoid having to confront them isn't true forgiveness and therefore, not true mercy, but for the sake of this thought, how do you determine whether or not you are forgiving someone to be merciful and truly forgive them, or if you're forgiving them merely to end or avoid a conflict?

And after all that...why does it matter?

Yes, this is seriously the kind of stuff I think about when I'm bored or alone. Or sometimes even when I'm not alone. Haha.

"Her rejection so fained and humiliated me that I justified myself to her at every turn." He sighed. "We exchanged words that I will regret to the end of my life. Later, I wrote her a letter explaining my actions in regard to her sister, for which she will never, I believe, forgive me. As for the misunderstanding, I have hopes of being acquitted in that quarter, but none so strong that would support a rapprochement. Her opinion of me and my faults, she made quite clear. No, she does not, nor can she ever, love me, my dear." His voice dropped.

"Dear brother!" Georgiana's pity was sweeter than he had ever suspected pity could be.

"I raged against the crushing of my heart and the advent of a joyless future. I blamed her for deceiving me, fate for toying with me, everyone and everything save myself. As you said, we have been brought up to think well of ourselves, perhaps too well. Since my return from Kent, I have meanly thrashed about in my pain without a thought for those who care for my well-being... In my pride and conceit I have behaved abominably, foolishly. I stand shamed." He swallowed hard. "I am not the man I had thought to become, before the memory of our father. Further, I have given you pain, Georgiana, most selfishly," he concluded, "and I am heartily sorry for it." He released her hand and waited, steeling himself for whatever should come.

"Brother," she gasped, putting fingers to her lips to force back the sob in her voice. "Such pain, Fitzwilliam! I knew your anger, your isolation came from hurt of something, but this! To love so and to receive..." Emotion caught her up again, preventing her from continuing.

"My pain..." He reached into his coat pocket and brought out his handkerchief to daub at her cheeks. "My pain is not sufficient excuse for my actions even if I had not brought its cause upon myself."

"What a sorry pair we make." She looked up at him as he did her his gentle service. "We have, both of us, been given to see ourselves and have responded like children, unwilling to be taught and resentful of our discipline."

"But you are reconciled, I think." He looked at her closely. "Whereas I am only resigned."

Gently, her head came to rest upon his shoulder, and her hand was shyly laid over his heart. "I know," she whispered. "But it is a step away from the angry pain you have been suffering so cruelly and alone. Pray, do not continue so, Fitzwilliam!"

Slipping his arms around her, Darcy held her close and placed a kiss upon her curls. "Shall you be my Portia, pleading my case before the bar?" He laid his cheek upon the place he had kissed.

Georgiana sighed as she burrowed deeper into his shoulder. "Not I alone, dear brother; but yes, ever your Portia."


Pamela Aidan, These Three Remain
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Now playing: Trans-Siberian Orchestra - This Christmas Day

Duh.

I am madly in love with Alan Shore and his amazing closings.

I'm just saying. That wasn't what I wanted to write though.

My point is:
I'm retarded.
All that stuff about forgiveness.
Yeah, of course it's about letting go.
And what is letting go about?
Closure.

Seriously, how could I have forgotten that.
On Boston Legal the other night, Allan Shore argued that a mixture of revenge and justice can give a person the greatest and most satisfying closure.
Merriam-Webster says closure is, "an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality closure; also : something (as a satisfying ending) that provides such a sense."
In other words, it's understanding and acceptance.

And those two are pretty closely linked. For the most part, understanding is key to acceptance. Which is where the difficulty lies. How can you accept what you don't understand? And how do you come to understand what you cannot comprehend?
Sometimes, I think it just takes a bit of help from someone else. A different perspective.
But other times, I think you simply can't. In certain situations at certain times in certain places, you just can't. At which point, you just have to accept the fact that you can't understand, and therefore can't accept.

On the whole, it's not easy, is it?
Then again, what in life is?