She asked Laurie, because Laurie had a theory about everything. "It seems to me," Laurie had said, "that you can marry someone you're lucky to get or you can marry someone who's lucky to get you. I used to think the first was best. Now I don't know. Wouldn't it be better to spend your life with someone who thinks he's lucky to be there?"
"Why can't you both be lucky?" Prudie asked.
"You can wait for that, if you like."
FRICK. Okay, so I was going to elaborate on this, except for 2 things. One, the day I wrote this, I didn't have the time, and two, I just started to now and Firefox shut down on me. Rawr. I don't remember quite what I said, but I have a vague idea.
I like this passage a lot. I was going to relate it to this quote from either Before Sunrise or Before Sunset, I don't remember which, that basically talks about having a "better self" and an "honest self," because I was thinking about that today - which would be better, to be with someone who makes you feel like you are your "better self" or with someone who recognizes you as your "better self"? To be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself and such, or someone who simply makes you feel like yourself? But I can't find the quote and I don't have time to watch both movies to figure out what it is.
I was reading reviews of these movies before. Most critics agree that the sequel, Before Sunset, is much better than the original, Before Sunrise, which was made nine years earlier in 1995. A lot of critics and people in general condemned Before Sunrise and its characters for being self-absorbed, smug, self-congratulatory, pretentious (that was a popular one), and just generally obnoxious and too dialogue-heavy. One person actually said that they "talk to much, and say too little," and that they "aren't so much waiting to hear as they are for their turn to talk." This amused me. I was amused that people complained that the characters in St. Elmo's Fire are obnoxious and too self-absorbed for the same reason. The kids in that movie were recent college graduates - around 22 or 23 - and in Before Sunrise, Jesse and Celine are both 23. Really, aren't most people that age self-absorbed? And if they're given to self-examination and exploration and reflection and thought at all, aren't many of them pretentious? Hell, pretty much everything I write/post on this damn thing fairly reeks of pretentiousness and self-absorption/involvement/etc. But that's why I try to pour it out here instead of actually talking about it to people and getting that "you actually talk about this crap?" tone from them. I figure, this is how I am right now, and all I can really do is hope I learn and change in time, ya know?
In St. Elmo's Fire, Rob Lowe's character says, "We're all going through this. It's our time on the edge," and Demi Moore replies that she's tired, and she just doesn't even know who to be any more. Except she and all the other characters in that movie are typical '80s kids - parties, relationships, "love," and heading out into the "real world." Jesse and Celine are the slightly more intellectual, deeply-connected version. In their own way, they're "on the edge," and they also don't really know who they are. I guess that's why I really love both movies - I can completely relate to their confusion and utter uncertainty. As I've already pointed out my pretentiousness and overwhelming self-interest, I might as well also point out that if I'm going to be completely honest, I pretty much qualify for the label "walking disaster." [Excised: Excessively Long Self-Examination and Obnoxious Criticisms.] I have an idea that if I went to a shrink, there's at least a 50% chance I'd be diagnosed as clinically depressed. A year ago that'd probably have been closer to 75%. I mean, I don't think I'm clinically depressed. But I bet a shrink would have a field day with me. I mean, isn't it now that about 20% of people this age have been diagnosed with depression? That's ridiculous. But, I have no real reason to be the way I am. I think it's just this particular time of life. I don't think I'm alone in feeling this way, in being insane - I just think that, being the person I am, I choose a less conventional (though not unique, slash probably more annoying) way of dealing with my confusion and general social and emotional dysfunction. And I'm not even going to get into my physical health. Though there are an increasing number of nights that I think, "I really should start drinking," the fact that I don't is probably the only thing stopping me from becoming a complete, certified wreck. Though I'm not even sure any more why I don't, if it's that I still just don't want to, or if it's turned into me being proud and stupid and reluctant to actually do something human-like and put myself out there in any way shape or form. And then there's the fact that I realize a lot of what's wrong about me and have no idea what the hell to do about any of it. Or maybe it's just that I have no idea what to start with, where to begin. And then I stop and think about how I'm really most likely not the only one who feels this crazy, but most normal people - and also people who are way more messed up than I am - don't complain and throw themselves pity parties and obsess over everything, and think I think, "Wow, way to be a complete jerk."
Shutting up. Christ. I'm not really as pathetic as this makes me sound. And I swear I really don't loathe myself and I really don't need someone to stage some kind of Intervention and I really don't think I'm clinically depressed. Just confused. And despite the fact that I seem to constantly soak in pools of self-pity, I really don't want anyone else's. I don't like pity. Pity doesn't help, so I guess I should stop that. And if you despise me now, well, I can't really blame you. And if your best advice is not to write after 2 am any more, don't worry; from now on, I'm on top of that one. As for the obvious, "Don't think so much"...ha. You try it. Then get back to me.
Lord. I'm rambling worse than Dickens. I really need to work on the whole control / brevity / pithiness thing.
P.S. Watching A Streetcar Named Desire today...wow. I forgot what an absolutely brilliant masterpiece that is. As great as Cat on a Hot Tin Roof is, I still think this is better. Never fails to amaze me. If you've never read/seen it, I recommend you do both.
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Now playing: Iron & Wine - The Trapeze Swinger
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