"Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart."

Okay. So everything we learn as we grow up tells us the same thing, pretty much: forgiveness is good. Forgive everyone. No matter how you look at it, forgiveness is the right thing to do - it makes you the bigger person, always. Okay. I think this is garbage.

If we don't have the will to forgive someone for something they've done against us, should we forgive them anyway? Or rather, try to forgive them anyway? Does being a good person mean we have make ourselves forgive everyone, whether we want to or not? I guess in theory, it does. In theory, I think we are supposed forgive everyone. In practice...not so much.

What good comes of forgiving someone we don't want to forgive, just because it's the right thing to do? What does that do for us, or for them, for that matter? Just because we say the words, doesn't mean we feel it - it doesn't mean we act like we mean it. Who does that help? Let's say I forgive someone for wronging me, for hurting me, but I don't want to - I'm still angry and hurt. Won't that anger come through in my behavior, still, even if I am the most patient person in the world (which I most certainly am not)? And aren't I lying to both this other person and to myself?

Okay, so what if I want to forgive someone, want to be able to forgive them, but I can't? I can't let go of what's in the past yet - I'm too close to it. Let's say they want to be forgiven, and I tell them I forgive them - will, in trying to act as though I really have forgiven them, I slowly come to feel it myself?

The flip side is finding yourself feeling forgiving towards a person you don't want to forgive. Someone who causes major pain or upset in your life that you don't want to let off the hook. What do you do if you find yourself forgiving them anyway? Should you resist, or just let it be?

Then, love has to be factored in. At what point does the actions of someone you love become unforgivable? How far does forgiveness go if the love is real? Your spouse cheats on you but swears he or she won't again, and wants to stay with you. Is that forgivable?

"You know, I don't think there's anything truly unforgivable. Not where there's love."
- Sylvia, The Jane Austen Book Club
(Yes, I am aware how much I've quoted that, recently.)

I hate these questions. I really do. I've found myself in every single one of these situations, and I can never decide what to do. Generally I go by, "Forgive, don't forget." But sometimes, I think, what I wouldn't give to just be able to forgive, forget, and move on...to just let go.


"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us."
- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.


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Listening to: Goo Goo Dolls - Can't Let It Go