I have choices to make about so many of the people who are in my life, whose orbits overlap mine. I am lucky enough to have several people who don't put me in that position: we are friends, and we need only to keep up what we are doing to preserve that friendship. But then there is everyone else.

Who do I want to keep? Who do I want to let go? Who do I want to earn? And how do I earn them - "And should I then presume? And how should I begin?"

I am conscious, lately, of a few things:

1) I am extremely lucky in my relationships.

2) I will probably not continue to be this lucky. It's too much.

3) I don't deserve any of this.

I don't think I can have what I want, and I don't think what I want exists, and I don't think I know what I want.

I don't know how to do any of this.