...That in the course of justice, none of us
Should see salvation; we do pray for mercy..."
- The Merchant of Venice
This is one of my 2 favorite Shakespeare quotes. I was thinking today, though - maybe, sometimes, the most merciful thing one can do is be just.
I don't know. I like fairness. Lack of justice frustrates me and pisses me off, even though sometimes I can accept that realistically, life isn't fair, and often justice isn't served. But if that's true, then I guess we should pray for mercy, right? I'm all about forgiveness, and mercy is forgiveness given freely, whether it's deserved or not.
Maybe, then, that's where love is. Maybe love is mercy - maybe love is a place where forgiveness is given freely with no expectations of reciprocation. Maybe our friends are the people who are merciful to us - the ones who love us and forgive us, whether we deserve it or not. Maybe we just need to trust in their mercy. As hard as that sounds. But then... aren't most forms of Christianity supposed to be about trusting in the mercy of God? I wonder if trusting in the mercy of God makes it easier for one to trust in the mercy of those who love them.
Although, I guess it's hard to know who really loves us. "I love you" is an easy thing to say, but saying it doesn't matter so much as acting it, right? It's nice to hear, and sometimes saying it is an act in itself, but it's meaningless if you don't act it. Whereas I guess that's not so much of a thing with a relationship with God. Or maybe it is. I guess I wouldn't know.
I don't know if I believe in God. I'm not really down with organized religion. I believe in something, but I don't really have a name for it. I guess I believe in timing? Things happen when they're supposed to happen, we meet people when we're supposed to meet them, we make the choices and decisions that we're supposed to make when we're supposed to make them. I tend to doubt when the going gets tough, but it's not faith without doubt, right? I think I really believe it though. Whatever "it" is. Fate? Fortune? I just think it's time. Moments.
Maybe certain people come into our lives when we need them most; maybe we make certain friends at certain times because at that time, we need them. Maybe we happen across certain songs or movies or writings to comfort and awaken and inform when we most need them. I can't count the number of times I've gone to a class, only to leave thinking that the perspective or truth of the movie we watched or the article we read was something I really needed in order to move forward in one way or another. And then I marvel at how it seemed to fall into my lap when I needed it.
Maybe everything, everyone we need, is waiting right under our noses, and we just need the grace to see it.
Sometimes I read the Bible. It's a pretty swell book with some great stories. And sometimes it makes me feel better. This is my favorite verse: "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:32.
If grace is a touch of truth... and truth is in the reaction... and the reaction comes from intuition in a moment of crisis... and sometimes you have to have the strength to force a moment to the crisis... then I suppose times of crisis are freeing. Cathartic.
The melding of pity and fear. Pity. Fear. Pity. Fear. Cleansing. Purge. Release. Making the truth known. Knowing the truth. Maybe letting the truth be recognized is justice. Or maybe it's mercy.
Maybe it is both.
I wonder if I will ever be able to write truthfully, with total honesty. Sincerity. Vulnerability.
I feel like I have been here before...
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