Idealistic or unrealistic?

So a while ago, I ranted (calmly) about how unfortunate it is that escapist stories often make us (even if only subconsciously) long for a fantasy that we know will more than likely never come true. We form this whole distorted view of reality, and we like it. We like having that hope that life can be like a fairy tale, or a myth, or an epic.

Really, though, I think fiction affects us much more than we realize. Or at least, much more than we actively acknowledge. (Damn media literacy. It was actually effective.) We watch movies and TV shows, we listen to music, we see advertisements. All of this registers in our minds and affects the way we perceive everything. Everyone's always up in arms about this, and everyone claims that the media doesn't affect them, but that's such garbage.

When you really think about it, the media dictates what qualifies as the status quo - it sets or announces the standards for everything. What's trendy, what's "unique," what's uncool, what's attractive. So and so wore this designer who used this kind of neckline and this kind of hem, and that's trendy right now. That woman has big eyes and a straight nose and she's beautiful, so that's a new standard of beauty. The awkward nerd in that movie is cute because he's awkward. Etc. etc. It's almost like we conform without even realizing it.

It goes further than that, though. We watch movies where shy homely girls fall in love with an arrogant, impossibly handsome and charming, "misunderstood guy" archetype, where against all odds, he falls in love with her and her influence makes him redeem himself and they live happily ever after. We read books where, like in any good plot, all the characters undergo some kind of change, and often a dramatic one. We listen to songs that explore every emotion concerning and relating to love of all kinds. We fall in love with idealized characters and unconsciously refuse to settle for anyone who isn't as great. We want to believe that these perfect ideas are achievable.

One day this summer, I met my 75-year-old candy nazi of a boss's boyfriend. He was pretty strange. She told me how they met, and it was a cute story - kind of weird and creepy, but cute. She also told me how he's been a bachelor his entire life. My boss, as a widower, told me that this was making it harder to break him of certain habits that she hated, because he was so used to being able to do whatever he liked whenever, without having to be considerate of anyone else. But she also told me that she understood this, and that she had no expectations of making him change. She told me that that's the mistake that a lot of women make - they meet a man, and they say, "Oh, I'm in love - he's practically perfect, except for ______." They think they can reform him, that they can just change what they don't like about him, when really, it won't work out unless they accept him as he is.

Honestly, that's probably the smartest thing she ever said to me. Or rather, the wisest. I think we all expect to be able to change people's basic natures much more than we usually can or do. Sure, it's possible - but I think it's the exception rather than the rule. At least, changing them in the noticeably dramatic fashions that we expect isn't usually what happens. But I also think that we may tend to say that we simply accept people we love when really, we are excusing them. It's okay for them to have certain flaws that we despise because we love them - but it's not okay for other people to be that way. But I digress.

Or not. That was all I really had. Now I need to sleep.