can't fall back asleep.

THINGS I AM GOOD AT:

-- Wanting things I can't have.

-- Making excuses.

-- Procrastinating.

-- Whining about ~1st world problems.

-- Being paranoid and overly self-aware.

-- Being paranoid that I am not self-aware enough.

-- Being overly sensitive and thin-skinned.

---- Being super insecure and pretending I'm not.

-- Being awkward.

-- Indulging.

-- Overanalyzing.

-- Thinking about things I shouldn't.

-- Having stubborn pride.

-- Being narcissistic.

-- Making lists as a feeble attempt to organize and control my messy, unstable life.

---- Realizing that these lists don't really make me feel any better but making them anyway.

Today, I am thankful for:

-- There not being an actual fire in my building when the fire alarm went off an hour ago.

-- Not getting hit by that bus that almost hit me outside of Waterloo Station.

-- Sallie Mae for reminding me today that my loan payments go up next month.

-- Wonderful friends who send me mail!

-- Wonderful family who send me mail!

-- Titus Andronicus for giving me a dose of Jersey tonight.

-- Amazon for putting Mad Men seasons 1-3 on sale.

-- This chicken and stuffing sandwich.

-- Clothes and food and a roof and all that.

favorite body parts

hands

wrists

ankles

neck

I guess I like for things to connect.

Things on my mind:

- Typography.

- Narcissism.

- The Italian Renaissance.

- Manipulation in all its forms.
--- Manipulation through images.
--- Manipulation through the semblance of love.

- The relevance of geography in relationships.

- Talking. Speech habits. Language.
--- Anna Deavere Smith.

- Robot Unicorn Attack.

- Songs stuck in my head this week:
--- "Home" - Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros.
--- "Black Hole" - The Silent Years.
--- "Dog Days Are Over" - Florence + the Machine.
--- "Superfast Jellyfish" - Gorillaz.
--- "Stillness is the Move" - Dirty Projectors.
--- "Jesus, Etc." - Wilco.

- Marina Abramović and performance art.

- Passive and active forms of running away.

- From Jenny Lewis: "I'm fraudulent, a thief at best - a coward who paints a bullshit canvas."

- My seminar paper, my honors project, my absurdism paper, and my Met facade paper.

Things I'm really interested in right now.

- Georgia O'Keefe and Alfred Stieglitz.

- The relationship between art and commerce in the 1920s.

- Modernism.

- Bold colors.

- Geometric patterns

- Science and beauty.

- Beaux-Arts architecture in America.

- Post-rock music.

--- I can't stop listening to Explosions in the Sky's The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place. Still. Slash again.

- Piano-driven pop/rock.

- "Renaissance men."

--- as defined during the Italian Renaissance.

--- as defined today.

- Good storytellers.

- Charming people.

- London's West End.

- Self-perception vs. other's perception of you.

- Introversion vs. extraversion.

- Dualism.

--- How dualism owns my life.

- Narcissism.

Things I really like right now.

- Helvetica typeface.

- Buttoned sweater vests.

- The color gray.

- Kerouac's journals.
--- My journal.

- The concept of physical and abstract space in art.
--- The concept of physical and abstract space in relationships.
------ Concepts of space in general.

- White ink tattoos.

- Sparrows and doves.

- Godiva dark chocolate truffles.

- Pesto.

- Lomography's ColorSplash flash.

- Driving.

- These songs:
--- "I Think Your Nose is Bleeding" by The Front Bottoms.
--- "America" by Simon & Garfunkel.
--- "Fake Palindromes" by Andrew Bird.
--- "Postcards from Italy" by Beirut.
--- "You've Got the Love" by Florence + the Machine.

- Nonalcoholic beverages that come in glass bottles.

- Washable markers.

- My purple umbrella.

- Long necklaces.

- Black pens that aren't ballpoint.

- Making mix CD's.

- Lists.

5 [Living] Actors Who Inspire Me:

1. James McAvoy
2. Philip Seymour Hoffman
3. Ethan Hawke
4. Bill Pullman
5. Johnny Depp

Writer/Directors [Living]:

1. Charlie Kaufman
2. Richard Linklater
3. Wes Anderson
4. David Fincher
5. Nicole Holofcener

I feel like there should be more than one woman on these lists.

This is a list of things that are currently taking up space in my brain. Most of them should NOT be there at this moment in time, so I am trying to empty my mind and regain some focus.

• 17th century Venetian opera.
• Let Me Down Easy and how it might compare to a historical theatre that existed pre-1850.
• Edward Albee.
• The degree to which my poetry sucks.
• How the way words sound affects the way we react to them.
• Why music is the one of the most universal art forms.
• The effects of blogging on the publishing industry, and in turn on the flow of [good] art into the public sphere.
• To what extent my GPA this semester will affect my cumulative GPA.
• What makes a given style of anything popular at a given time?
• "Appearance vs. reality," and not as a theme in Shakespeare - to what extent is everything appearance? If everything is relative, based on our perspective, is there a base reality to everything, a sole and inherent truth that is above all else?
• Existentially speaking, does one make a conscious decision in assigning meaning? Or is it something instinctively felt, not something given thought to? If the the latter is true, then is the meaning compromised the moment thought is given to it?
• How there is a distinct possibility that all the chemicals in diet soda will one day give me cancer.
• How bad of an idea it is for me to consider making macaroni & cheese right now when I ate gross amounts of Chinese food today.
• How things are named. I.e. bands, song names, books, eras of history, ice cream flavors, cars.
• How everything, including images, can be boiled down to a chemical reaction.
• How advertising often does not sell a product - it sells an image.
• My obsession with images, their creation, their meanings, and the ways they affect people.
• Art as a way of using imagery to convey a truth.
• The various ways people try to stop feeling empty, including but not limited to drugs, alcohol, food, meaningless sex, material objects, personal appearance.
• The implications of recreational drug use vs. the use of recreational drugs for the purpose of productivity.
• Hedonism.
• The process of discovery.
• The way we ascribe value to physical objects based on the feelings of nostalgia they evoke.
• The way geographic regions and cities become personalities with their own characteristics.
• The power of black and white vs. the power of color, and the contrasting values of both.
• Narcissism and obsession with one's own image, the ways in which interest in self image contradicts the hippie ideology, and the difficulty in navigating this in an age of digital social networking. The degree to which people now form connections through social networking.
• What it means not to care.
• Typography, and the use of different fonts and typefaces to manipulate an audience's perspective.
• The negative connotation of the word "manipulate," the magnitude of the power one has when they can manipulate something successfully.
• An artist's intention when creating, and to what extent his goal affects the overall impact and quality of his work.
• The Work of Art in the Age of its Technological Reproducibility. Photography as a reproducible art with no inherent authenticity.
• Authenticity vs. originality in the creation of art.
• The differences between dignity and self-respect, and between them and pride, and pride and independence.
• Academic integrity.
• Christmas.
• Grad school. Gag.
• Personal style.
• How pissed I am that I missed the Vermeer exhibit at the Met this fall.
• Money. I'm broke.
• Self-destructive habits.
• How to stop thinking.
• Reality television and how it is demeaning to the whole art of television programming.
• What "home" is and how it changes.
• Giving, what it means to give, what it means to receive, ways of giving.
• Other people.
• Death.

Aside from those first 3 items, none of that has any business being on my mind right now.

Oh, and as is typical for lately:

• What am I doing. What the hell am I doing.

I like words.

These are some of my favorites:

- mad
- quibble
- conundrum
- illusory
- nebulous
- ephemeral
- clarity
- flee
- vast
- dusk
- transient
- inhibition
- lingering
- anguish
- spectrum
- whirl
- sacrilege
- consecrate

- intrinsic

And of course

- absurd.

I almost died in about 8 different ways today...

...just from going to Shop-Rite on Rt. 17 in Ramsey.

1) The wind.

Okay, not the shopping center's fault. But the wind was going at a pretty steady 25+ mph, and when combined with #2, the result was not good. #2 being...

2) Rogue shopping carts.

One actually darted across the main drag of the parking lot, hit a curb...then backed up and went back across the road. And stopped in the middle. I was almost impressed. Except for the fact that, ya know, it nearly slammed into my car.

3) Cars. And the parking lot itself.

Why is there an unwritten law that seemingly states that all supermarket parking lots must be unqualified disasters? They're never organized functionally, and there are always people running stop signs, making wide turns, going the wrong way down one way sections. This one is no exception.

4) Old men. And old women.

The old folk who frequent the Shop-Rite in the middle of the day should so not be navigating shopping carts, let alone three-ton automobiles. One old lady decided it was a good idea to turn her cart out into the middle of the aisle without looking to see if anyone was walking. I was walking. And the old men who wander around with baskets look so lost--they stop in the middle of everything to check their lists and read the aisle signs and cause major traffic jams.

5) All women, for that matter.

I hate the rich moms who come into Shop-Rite while their kids are in school. There are a few different types, but they all fit one type or another. There are the ones who come in wearing their $120 jeans, long sleeve shirts, and puffy vests. There are the ones in the $120 jeans with sweater sets and the Kohl's handbags that look almost designer but not really. Then there are the ones in the $120 jeans with the expensive coats and designer bags. And they all invariably have giant diamond stud earrings, straightened hair, obnoxious highlights/dye jobs, and too much make-up. They walk around with their coupons and their little daughters who are wearing Coach leather shoes and Guess for Kids clothes. They block up the aisles and they don't pay attention to where they're going with their shopping carts because they're too busy babbling on their Blackberries or bluetooths like it's their job. And really, it is. It's probably the most work they'll do all day.

Anyway. Just felt like a rant. Now have an hour to read 80 pages of The Sound and the Fury. Woot.

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Now playing: Martha Reeves & The Vandellas - Heat Wave (Stereo Mix With Fade)

Beliefs and ideas that answer unspecified questions.

A book called To-Do List, listography.com, and McSweeney's has me on a list kick.

- Nothing is black and white. There's always a gray area, an exception to the rule, something that makes your absolute fall to pieces and consequently drives you insane.

- Nothing lasts forever, and that's a good thing.

- Perspective is everything.

- Sometimes it really is necessary to convince yourself something is true when you know it isn't.

- There is often no rational explanation for how we feel.

- Everyone needs someone or something to talk to. Preferably someone or something that will react. No matter how much you don't want to, people need other people. People want to feel needed. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is let them see you need them.

- Everything we do has an impact on something else, no matter how minor.

- "It takes all kinds of people to make a world."

- There's a time and place for everything, and if either is off by even a little, it changes everything.

- There is a small but distinct difference between making an excuse and giving an explanation.

- Sometimes all you need is for someone to have faith in you.

- Miscommunication, misunderstanding, and assumption are the root of way too many problems. Just talking straightforwardly can fix that.

- Mass media is messing everyone up, majorly.

- Instant messages, emails, phone calls, letters. They give people space and bravado so they say things they wouldn't otherwise say in person. For better or worse.

- Sometimes, taking a deep breath really does help.

- Your probability of being happy in life is a lot higher if you find a passion and follow it.

- Images affect us more than anything else. We absorb thousands every day and don't take much notice, but they're there.

- Simplicity and complexity are both gifts.

- Everything is relative.

- Appearances are superficial, but image isn't unimportant, even though the way others see you is often very different from the way you see yourself.

- Life is a lot easier and more pleasant when you stop caring what others think and how they see you, when you stop trying to impress people, and just be yourself. Everything is more real.

- Photography is great as a means of recording something that will become a memory, but it hinders living in the moment, and sometimes sacrificing the photos are worth it.

- There is a lot to be said for abstract thoughts and goals and dreams, but sometimes something concrete and tangible is necessary to believe.

- Everyone should believe in something.

- Life is happier when you let there be magic.

- Self-denial is admirable, but being able to indulge in moderation is, too.

- Everything in the world, in life, rests on a pinpoint, and all you can do is try to keep it balanced.

- So much pain could be prevented if, more frequently, we just asked "How are you?", "Are you okay?", or "Do you want to talk?", and actually listened to the response.

- Political correctness is overrated. But, at the same time, insensitivity isn't.

- Never let anyone, even yourself, tell you that you're not allowed to feel the way you're feel, or that you're not supposed to feel the way you do.

- Everyone is connected. Realizing a connection is the hard part--making it a full, rich, reality. But succeeding, even with only one person, is one of the greatest accomplishments.

- Sometimes you have trust others to get them to trust you.

- Everything works for good.

- Meditation or relaxation frees the mind. Freeing the mind opens it. Having an open minds lets you see the humor, beauty, and good everything.

- Getting angry is healthy. Holding onto your anger isn't.

- Whoever said "patience is a virtue" was right.

- You never really "get over" losing someone you love. You just learn how to accept it and turn it into something else. And if you loved them, you never really lose them, because they've had an impact you--they've made a difference in your life and it's a part of you. The pain just mellows out.

- "Nothing is unforgivable. Not where there's love."

- Passion is transformative and the expression of passion is the epitome of beauty.

- "What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters."

- Sometimes, what we do is not a reflection of who we are.

- It's a good idea to reevaluate your priorities from time to time.

- If you like something that becomes popular, you don't have to stop liking it.

- "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."

- "You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier."

- Everyone is at least little hypocritical sometimes.

- "A person doesn't need to be perfect to be exactly what you need."

- Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of others.

- Group thinking is dangerous. Listen to others, be open to them, but in the end, think for yourself.

- Pick your battles.

- "[Don't] worry if people like you for the wrong reason. Just use that energy to build on it."

- The people you choose to surround yourself with, and the way you act around them, are a reflection of who you are.

- Tears ≠ weakness.

- A certain amount of fear can be healthy as motivation, but it can creep up and dominate you. And really, "There's no reason to be afraid. Ever."

- Good intentions are not always enough.

- Knowing what you want is the first step. Then all you have to do is go after it.

- You don't decide who deserves what. That's not the question, anyway.

- Being forgotten is a form of death.

- We have so many broad generalizations and labels for everything and everyone, but it all defies categorization in one way or another. Or completely.

- Truth is in the reaction.

- Sometimes, if you can't fix it, the best thing you can do is not worry about it.

- At the end of the day, no matter what has happened, life goes on.

- Despair is easy. Faith is hard. That's why it's more worthwhile.

- We tend to run away when things get hard, and denial and avoidance can be ways of running.

- You always have a choice.

- Not all conflict is bad. Conflict is necessary to life. (But I still don't have to like it. Haha.)

- Being nice to people in small ways is so easy, and they add up.

- It's easy to corrupt an experience or feeling in retrospect, to question how real it was. If you believed in it in the moment, then it was real.

- Everyone has his own style, and it doesn't matter what it is, as long as you own it.

- If you're going to break the rules, have a thorough command of them first.

- We don't often act rationally with the people we love. What you say/do often differs from what you feel. The best love prompts acts of sanity, as well as romantic stuff--you treat them the way you know you should treat a person you love.

- "Everyone goes haywire sometimes, and if we don't, then maybe we ought to."

- Even when you've got nothing, you can still tell stories.

- Sometimes fighting means stooping down. Sometimes it means standing up.

- "The human condition is defined by irony."

- Life is good.

Maybe I'll add more another time.

1/21/09, 10:01 PM
1/26/09 12:54 AM
Just added more.

Why Everyone Should Love Paul Rudd.

From Amazon.com:
Why We Love Paul Rudd:
Because we had no idea when he started out playing the nice guy how funny he could actually be. Because his overexaggerated facial expressions and body movements make us laugh harder than 1000 words could. Because this "indie heartthrob" joined the cast of Friends and was actually accepted. Because he can pull off a nervous, bumbling fool just as easily as a sly, confident womanizer... and we buy it everytime. -- Rachel Moss
We Love Him In...
The Object of My Affection As George, the perfect best friend and roommate, who is gay and thus unavailable to Jennifer Aniston, who falls in love with him.
Clueless: As Josh, the older, smarter, indie stepbrother of the spoiled California girl (Alicia Silverstone), he was just dreamy enough to make us all crush on him.
Friends : As Mike, the lawyer-turned-pianist who is so charmed by the eclectic Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow) that he marries her, Rudd was the only real outside character who seemed to fit in well with the close-knit Friends gang.
The 40 Year-Old Virgin: As one of Steve Carell's (the virgin) buddies, who is on a mission to help him "score" despite feeling torn up about his own breakup.


Why I Love Paul Rudd:
-- All of the above.
-- He loves the Chrysler Building...only my favorite building in New York!
-- He was Born in Jersey. : D
-- He also enjoyed Chris Elliot's Shroud of the Thwacker, which thoroughly amused me.
-- No matter how bad the movies he's in actually are (:: cough P.S. cough ::) he's a scene stealer in every single one.
-- He's extremely underrated. Judd Apatow movies have brought him into the mainstream a little more, but those movies really just showcase how capable of comedy he is - he's much more versatile in his other stuff. I mean really...who else could, at age 37, play a 29-year-old guy trying to woo a 40-year-old divorced mom, and come off as completely funny, dorky, charming, and unassuming? ...Exactly.

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Now playing: Goldfrapp - Fly Me Away

Another quick note.

1. Yeah, I know I said I'd do a regular post soon but I've been a waste of life lately. Too much work. I'm not even flipping out yet so I need to find another way to motivate myself because I am probably so screwed with all this stuff. Argh.

2. On the bright side, I had housing today and we got a room in the building we wanted so woot.

3. I can't believe it's nearly May already. April flew by unbelievably fast. This whole year flew by unbelievably fast. August feels like it was just yesterday. I'm in a much better place now than I was then, though. Fingers crossed that this summer won't be miserable.

4. Presently skimming/reading a book called Michael Jordan and the New Global Capitalism. It's pretty interesting. Its discussion on the way globalization is leading to the Americanization of other cultures reminds me of something my Social Issues professor said about how one reason Americans in Iraq are so unwelcome is because of their lack of understanding of Iraqi culture and Islamic traditions and such. I suppose this is one of the reasons so many Americans are okay with globalization's cultural impacts: I don't think we really understand other cultures, even if we say we tolerate or appreciate or embrace them. We're so wrapped up in ourselves. I mean, I can't really comment on the economics of globalization...I'm utterly clueless. The interaction of people and cultures is what interests me.

5. I really need to get down to work. Jeebus. All I want to do is sleep though. Rawr.

Slightly Longer Short List

1. All I've wanted to do lately is watch comfort movies. St. Elmo's Fire. Elizabethtown. Eternal Sunshine. Jane Austen Book Club. Etc. Okay, so I've been in the mood for chick flicks. Odd.

2. Also been in the mood for Joan of Arcadia lately. Season 2. Speaking of TV, I plan on catching up on a LOT of shows this summer. All of LOST, for one. Whatever House I can get my hands on. And something else too, that I'm forgetting...it'll come to me. All that, on top of a ton of movies and books. Jeebus.

3. Haha. So in spite of the fact that it seems like I "took too much on" this semester, next semester's going to be even crazier. Yeah, I'm planning on cutting down my work hours to 10/15 a week, alternating. But I agreed to do e-board for the yearbook and for the American Studies Club. And thus, I have to actually start attending the yearbook meetings and help out. Also, I'm planning on literally forcing myself to write for the paper, just to have a portfolio. And working for both of those publications requires actually going to school-sponsored events and taking pictures. Sooo. Yeah. I had really wanted to do the NY movie thing with Lincoln Center again, but I don't think I'll be able to. I really miss that, a lot. I loved having that time to myself in the city. Sigh.

4. I haven't gone to the beach for the sunrise in literally months, and I hate that. HATE that. Not since January 8. That's horrible. And I've only caught a few sunsets since then, too. It's not even that I haven't taken pictures of any - I haven't even been. Horrible. I feel a little bit emptier without them, haha.

5. I really am looking forward to working on some photo projects this summer. More pictures of people, definitely. People will have to deal with the fact that I'm trying to put together some good stuff, because I want more pictures of my friends, and more pictures with people in them in general. Also, I'm really looking forward to working on my beach garbage project. Sadly, that one will be easy to work on since people and Bennys trash the beaches so badly, so they're only really clean at sunrise and really early in the a.m. Seaside Park isn't as bad, but still. But I guess that gives me more material. So yeah. I really want to work on that this summer. Still wish I could do the sleep one. We'll see.

6. I like show tunes. I'm listening to a mix of songs from Les Mis, Thoroughly Modern Millie, Hairspray, Wicked, Little Women, and Movin' Out. And Mamma Mia. It's been a while, and I like it. A wonderful compilation of leading men there - the guy who originally played Marius whose name I forget, the wonderful Gavin Creel and Matthew Morrison, Norbert Leo Butz (who has a very unfortunate name), Danny Gurwin, and Michael Cavanaugh, who I'm still so bummed I didn't see on Broadway. And women with powerhouse voices too - any woman who plays Eponine MUST have an insanely great voice. Sutton Foster is my favorite Broadway actress, and Marisa Jaret Winokur, Kristen Chenoweth, and Idina Menzel are all amazing too. I still think that while film and television actors are incredibly talented, nothing beats a high-class stage actor, especially musical theater ones. You've got to really be great to do that, even if movie/TV actors get the majority of the press. You never see stage actors crossing over to film for anything but the money, really, or the fame, but when film stars want to prove their worth as actors, they hit the stage. Mmm.

7. Speaking of theater. I want to write a play. I mean, I want to write a lot of stuff. I try to write a lot of stuff. But I would like to write a good play. I like the way they're structured, and I like that they're dialogue heavy, haha. I intend to have at least a rough draft of something, be it play, screenplay, novel, what have you, by the end of the summer. Hahahahaha. I clearly have a lot of big plans for my down time.

8. I promise, I'll stop being lazy and write a real post soon. I just need more time. Blech. More time for everything.

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Now playing: Original Broadway Cast - Summer, Highland Falls

Today's Short List.

1. I know I've said this before, but I really love how interdisciplinary my classes here are. Today in 20th Century American Foreign Politics, we talked about globalization, and how American rose to become an economic hyper-power in the '80s and '90s. That part was okay, but then it led to a discussion of the cultural implications of globalization and the arguments for/critiques against it, and we watched a movie all about Naomi Klein's claims against it. Which led to a discussion about the dominance of American media and the reach and extent of its influences and authoritarian nature. I actually participated for once (I never do, not in that class at least) just because it was so relevant to stuff we've discussed in pretty much half the classes I've had here. Tech & Culture, Social Issues, Media Lit, International Studies, American Studies, Immigration to America, even Lit & Film. I like when that happens. It makes learning more fun. : D

Wow, I am such a nerd. Hehehe.

2. I'm not big on concerts, but for some reason, I'm going to 3 this summer... I'm excited for them. Ingrid Michaelson in June, John Mayer/Colbie Caillat in July, and Counting Crows/Maroon 5 in August. Woot.

3. I'm so behind on Big Brother and I'm a bit upset about it...largely in part because I know Kim hasn't had anyone to talk to about it. I can't believe I was one of those people who stopped watching a reality show when my favorite person got kicked off. Okay, there is SO much wrong with that statement. It wasn't entirely because of that, though. Once I was about to start watching again, I got overwhelmed with work and didn't really have to the time to catch up properly. And it ends on Sunday! / :

4. I'm absurdly glad Grey's is back, and can't wait for Private Practice next fall. (Guilty pleasures much?) I'm also really glad Addison's coming back for an episode of Grey's next week, and I hope she gives Mer/Der a piece of her mind. : D

5. TOO MUCH READING FOR VENICE. AHHHH. I got the syllabus the other day and it's insane. Rather more work than I expected. More writing than I thought, too. I hope my "must do your best" mechanism doesn't kick in and make me work my ass off while I'm there when I should be just enjoying the experience...oh well. Still can't wait to get the heck outta here.

( :

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Now playing: Anna Nalick - Satellite

5 More Things

So I have about 20 drafts of stuff I haven't gotten around to elaborating upon yet. I'll get to it some day. Just another short list for now.

1. My eyes are crazy red and hurt like heck, and I've got a headache too. This is the time of year that I'm particularly glad I don't wear contacts, hehe. I love spring and the whole renewal of life and all that, but man. I wish I wasn't so allergic to it. Hahaha.

2. I have a positively ABSURD amount of work to do that I really need to get busy with. I wasted a lot of time hanging around work today doing nothing, but it was worth it. Got to chill with some awesome people. ( :

3. What do I do on nights that my roommate is at her boyfriend's? I don't sit around with music blasting, or watch a movie/TV show I know she doesn't like, or dance around like a loon. I clean the bathroom. Because I know she won't and if I do it while she's around, she gets this attitude like, "I know you're just doing this while I'm here to make me feel bad for not doing it." Well, maybe I just imagine that. But I've discovered that waiting for her to be unable to tolerate the grime doesn't work, and I end up punishing myself, so I just do it. Otherwise it gets so disgusting, I'm embarrassed that it doesn't bother her.

4. There are little tiny flies at work that like to fly in your face and around your nose and by your eyes and they're really, REALLY annoying. Today Mo and I were swatting at them saying, "DIE FLY, DIE!" It reminded her of last spring when she was getting all excited about the weather and the flowers coming out and such, and I responded with, "DIE, FLOWERS, DIE!" Hehehe. I wish we both weren't so busy because I miss hanging out with her.

5. Oddly enough, despite the stress, anxiety, exhaustion, fatigue, and generally unhealthy state I'm in, I'm really pretty content with life right now. I haven't freaked out about work yet, not the way I usually do at the end of the semester. I don't hate myself. I'm not angry. I'm not consumed with rage and frustration towards certain stupid people. I'm happy with where I am and the people I know and like, and am looking forward to the future. It's been a while since I've been so buoyant, and I like it. I hope it lasts. :: Knock on wood. ::

( :

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Now playing: Paula Cole - I Don't Want to Wait

5 Things

1. I freakin love Chandler on Friends. I either forgot or never knew until I recently started watching it almost obsessively. I never will be one of those people who's hardcore obsessed with the show...though it kind of fascinates me, wondering what about it endears it so much to so many, why so many people love it to the point that it's pretty much a must-know for all pop culture fanatics (future post topic?)...but man, I do love Chandler. He's rivaling Alan Shore right now, even though they're pretty much nothing alike. Five favorite male television characters ever (in alphabetical order by first name because I can't decide who I like best):

• Alan Shore
• Chandler Bing
• Jess Mariano
• John Dorian
• Shawn Hunter

I guess if I had to say, J.D. rounds out the list and his spot is vulnerable. Dr. Cox is pretty amazing, too, and there's just so many others who are great. Adam Rove might have beat J.D. if he hadn't cheated on Joan with friggin' Bonnie...Derek on Grey's was pretty close to beating him too. It's not just that he's an incredibly handsome human being. I do honestly really love his character. Swear. Haha.

2. John Mayer Trio is presently my favorite thing to listen to. Particularly the song "Vultures."

3. Every semester, I make unconscious (or conscious and just unspoken) resolutions that I'm going to stop procrastinating, sleep more, eat better, exercise, and not be a waste of life. And every semester that plan fails terribly, and eventually, everything comes crashing down and I hate everything. I'm pretty proud of the fact that the crashing this semester didn't occur until the last few weeks. And it's not even that bad - I'm still feeling pretty chipper, all things considered. Granted, crashing shouldn't happen at all. But hey. I still have 4 semesters left to straighten things out. 5 if I miscalculated...

4. I don't want to start thinking about grad schools, but I suppose I must. NYU sounds pretty good right now, but I don't want to be unrealistic, so I guess the search needs to be extended to include non-tier-one schools. Haha.

5. I'm in the mood for an '80s/Brat Pack movie day. Specifically, St. Elmo's Fire, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, and Sixteen Candles. I feel like those are the 4 core ones anyway. I think I should. I could use a little Kevin, Bender, Blane, and Ducky, and besides, I've never seen Sixteen Candles all the way through. I just need the time...

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Now playing: Toploader - Dancin' in the Moonlight

A Dozen Things On My Mind

1. I hate allergies. I wish my throat didn't hurt.

2. My CF&F paper is way longer than I thought. It's at 9 pages now and I think I'm only about 2/3 of the way through and my paragraphs/sentences seem way too long and argh. Way frustrated. And not looking forward to my other two papers. At least this one is about a kickass movie!

3. With any luck, tonight shall be the first night I am asleep when the sun rises since Thursday. Woot.

4. If there is one thing I hate about Ramapo more than anything else, it's ResLife. They're beyond jerks. There's no words for the rage I feel towards them.

5. It's supposed to be gorgeous for the rest of the week which is pretty exciting. I wish I had time to hop over to the reservation and chill out before my allergies get REALLY bad, as they tend to do the last week of April/first week of May like clockwork.

6. The NRHC Conference is in ANNAPOLIS next year and I can't wait!!! Maybe I'll submit a paper or something. I really hope the new honors director is cool.

7. I finally read Fahrenheit 451 and it's pretty awesome. Lyrical/poetic sci-fi. Well played, Bradbury.

8. Every time I see the geese that stalk the path to the Overlook, I want to drop kick them. They're obnoxious. They honk a lot and hiss at innocent passers-by, and leave excrement all over the pavement. They can't just move over onto the grass. They always have to leave green crap in the middle of the path. Avoiding it is like a friggin' obstacle course.

9. 10 days until RPI. 20 days until finals are over. 26 days til Venice!!!! Yay!!!!!!

10. I think it should be summer right now. No homework. Beach. Friends. Barbecues! Concerts. Movies. Non-required books! Oh man. It sounds so sweet. I guess I ought to get a job, too.

11. Speaking of movies. This summer holds the promise of a whole slew of great ones. The ones I'm most anticipating:

• The Dark Knight (7/18) - If there's a midnight showing, I am SO there. This has topped my list of summer movies to see since, oh, maybe 2006? And I refuse to listen to any of this Heath Ledger posthumous Oscar babble. I adore him and all...I'm still in slight denial about the whole deal...but seriously. Like anyone would have even thought of considering it if he was still alive.
  
• Mamma Mia! (7/18) - It just looks like so much fun! Colin Firth singing and dancing to ABBA songs is an added bonus.
• Tropic Thunder (8/15) - Ben Stiller + Robert Downey Jr. + Jack Black mocking actors and Hollywood? Sounds absolutely glorious to me.
• The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (8/8) - Guilty pleasure. Even if Blake Lively still can't act and Alexis Bledel is only mediocre, America Ferrara's good and Amber Tamblyn is amazing - "Do the women of 'Sex and the City' all share one pair of pants? I think not."
  
• Speed Racer (5/9) - If nothing else, it looks visually stunning. But add the Matrix guys at the helm and Emile Hirsch on screen - how could it be bad?
• Iron Man (5/2) - The fact that I know nothing about the comic is completely irrelevant. RDJ in another starring role - and looking badass - is enough for me.
• Wall-E (6/27) - Pixar never makes a bad movie. Ever. It's like a law of nature.
  
• Hancock (7/2) - Will Smith as an alcoholic superhero and Jason Bateman trying to save his public image. Even if the movie isn't that great, Will Smith can save anything. (:: Cough I Am Legend ::)

Others worth mentioning (well, some of them in a "maybe when it comes out on DVD" way):

• Wanted (6/27) - I hate Angelina Jolie with a passion. But I love James McAvoy even more. Conundrum.
  
• Made of Honor (5/2) - It doesn't look that great - and neither does Patrick Dempsey's hair, which is terribly unfortunate - but Michelle Monaghan has been making a name for herself in the 3 years since Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and I think she's pretty good, so there's that at least.
• The Incredible Hulk (6/13) - Yeah, the last one sucked (I heard). And yeah, Universal disagreed with Edward Norton and cut the film down to under 2 hours from the 2 hours 15 minutes version Norton wanted. But whatever. Bottom line: Edward Norton pretty much rocks everything he's in. (American History X, anyone?)
• Towelhead (8/15) - Promises to be...incredibly effed up. Written by the guy who wrote American Beauty, it's about a 13-year-old Lebanese girl coming of age...who gets molested by Aaron Eckhart's character. But then it's about her resilience and how she gets past it. But still. ?!?!
• Vicky Cristina Barcelona (8/29) - The latest Woody Allen. Javier Bardem, Scarlett Johansson, and Penelope Cruz. In Spain. Of course there's a love triangle. I'll wait for the DVD, but it still sounds good.
  
• Savage Grace (5/30) - Julianne Moore in an Oedipal-esque love triangle with her husband and son. Probably rivals Towelhead for most disturbing. I wonder where Laura Linney was during auditions - usually this kind of stuff draws her like a magnet.

Oh, also:

• Son of Rambow (5/2) - It just looks so cute. I'll wait for the DVD.
• Sex and the City (5/30) - I never even watched the show. I feel like I'd enjoy it though. And this movie also just looks like fun. Plus, I'll watch anything in which the New York setting figures largely. But I won't be stateside for its release, sooo...yeah.
  
• The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (5/16) - The last one was eh. Maybe this'll be better? All I can think of right now is Andy Samberg and the Magnolia Bakery...
  
• Get Smart (6/20) - I've seriously been seeing trailers for this for 2 years now. I have a feeling it'll disappoint, though.
• Pineapple Express (8/8) - Another dose of Judd Apatow. But if Paul Rudd doesn't even at least make a cameo appearance, I probably won't see it. I'm serious.
  

And I guess I should mention this little flick coming out May 22 that involves a crystal skull or something or other. I'll be in Venice so I probably won't see it, though that kid from Holes is in it so maybe I'll try to catch it when I get back...hahaha.

I am promising right now to work on my movie reviewing habits this summer. I'm going to try hard to do a write-up on every movie I see in theaters, and hopefully all the others I watch too. Perhaps I'll start a separate blog for them. We'll see.

12. I really like Special K Bliss bars. The raspberry ones. Yum.

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Now playing: John Mayer Trio - Vultures

(13. Making this a baker's dozen - I really, really like this song. I recommend you listen to it.)

I did write another poem during an ultra boring Lit & Film class today.
But I also didn't remember to tear it out of my Lit & Film notebook.
And I also left my Lit & Film notebook in my room.
(I'm at work.)
I'll post it eventually.
It sucks anyway.
Perhaps I'll write another one instead of doing my homework.
I think that sounds like a marvelous plan.

Also, I was in the bookstore today and I found this Fresh Ink card that I really like that I forgot exists, but it makes me smile every time I see it. On the front is a herd of sheep shown in black and white, except for one that is wearing this hideous red printed bow tie. It says "To add to my misery, no one here thinks I'm funny." Or something like that. And on the inside it says something like, "What is wrong with these people?" It's really amusing, and it' s completely me. Except I would never wear a hideous red bow tie. Ever. That sheep, though, was totally pulling it off.

Okay, that legitimately was not funny. Or at least, it was a lot funnier in my head. Then again, most things are.

Also, Things to Buy This Weekend:

1. Juno
2. The new Gavin DeGraw album
3. Season 4 of "Friends." Maybe. I really shouldn't be spending so much $. So maybe not.
4. Clothes

Must make myself save $ for Venice. Hehehe.

A brief rant.

Sometimes, being Asian is a pain in the ass. Rather, being Korean and adopted. Only little annoyances, but still. When?

1) When non-Asians want to try to guess what I am. "Chinese?" No. "Japanese?" No. Korean's usually next. Sometimes Vietnamese or Filipino. And that's only if they know Korea, Vietnam, and the Philippines are Asian/Pacific Island nations. But no one who isn't Asian ever guesses Korean first. And seriously, I could make it so much easier by just telling them from the get-go that I'm Korean. Then they don't have to look like ignorant jackasses when they've run out of guesses after "Chinese" and "Japanese."

2) When Asians who recognize that I'm Korean automatically assume I speak/understand Korean and start speaking to me in it. It's easy enough to politely tell them that I'm adopted and haven't been in Korea since I was 4 months old, but still. And half the time, even after I tell them that I don't understand it, they keep speaking Korean to me anyway.

3) When people think I'm a communist when they find out I'm Korean. Communists don't let people adopt their babies, morons. Hell, if you're in China, they don't even really let you have babies. During the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, South Korea, China and North Korea attacked South Korea for letting Westerners adopt so many of their children, saying that babies are South Korea's number one export. I'm not North Korean and I'm not a communist. Jeez.

4) When non-Asians start talking to me about other Asian people they know. Today in Wawa, some random guy first asked me if I was Chinese, then proceeded to tell me how he knows a little Mandarin (only he mispronounced it) and then he told me how he knows a nice Korean woman who works in a casino in Atlantic City. Like I might know her because I'm also Korean. Like I care. Mmm, not so much.

5) People don't do this any more, and I don't remember it happening, but my mum told me that when I was a baby, people in stores used to ask her if I'd be able to speak English when I grew up. No, idiot, I'm going to live with an English-speaking family and magically know only how to speak Korean.

6) When people make stereotypical Asian jokes that aren't even original. If I get asked if I eat cats one more time, I'm going to flip.

7) When other Asians assume that I have some kind of cultural bond with them because we're both Asians. I mean, that's understandable enough I guess, but when you're as much of a "twinkie" as I am, it gets old.

8) When people tell me that I had an easier time getting into college because I'm Asian. Asians are not an underrepresented minority so it's really harder for them to get into colleges / get scholarships. College admissions actually have higher standards for Asian students. So stop telling me that I'm lucky I'm Asian because I'll get more money.

9) When people tell me that I'm smart because I'm Asian and that all Asians are smart slash supposed to be smart etc. etc. Annoying.

10) When I meet creeps with Asian fetishes who are crazy. Like, stalker-crazy. LEAVE ME THE FRICK ALONE.