I started writing this 6 months ago and am finally finishing it.

I think the disparity between what we do and who we are is a really strange thing. My brain has trouble reconciling the two. Like I think I've said in the past, it seems like your actions should reflect who you are as a person. But I was thinking the other day. Maybe one or the other is just something superficial and ultimately irrelevant.

I mean, really. You can be the most morally straight person in the world, but one mistake - one situation that train-wrecks on you - one false move - if it's epic enough, that's it. Does that one mistake define you? That stupid quote from Batman Begins (well, it's not stupid, but it's a succinct way of stating something that bothers me), "It's not who I am inside, but what I do, that defines me." Who you are defines you to yourself. But how you act defines you to the rest of the world. Strangers don't know who you are. They judge by what you do, until/unless they take the time to "get to know" you. But does that even matter? Or maybe it's the other way around. Maybe what you do is superficial. It's just the surface, and who you are inside is what really matters. I guess really they both matter, since they're intrinsically linked and inseparable.

You can know what's right from what's wrong and what you consider to be the highest, purest way to live. You can aim for an ideal life of loving everyone, being merciful, loyal, determined, vulnerable, strong, and all that. But does it really matter? Unless you personify all that, unless you do as you say, are you the person you see on the inside? Or is that just the person you want to be? Your ideal that you work towards but will never achieve?

I guess to some degree it depends on how successful your attempts are. And I guess that the important thing is that you try. People always distinguish that there's a difference between being a bad person who does bad things, and being a good person who did a bad thing. I bet there are plenty of "good" people in prison but for one bad thing. But just because they're a "good" person, doesn't negate the fact that they did something bad. Same thing. Just because you aspire to be a "good" person, doesn't mean that your actions or true personality reflect that.

I don't think I actually said what I was trying to get across. But that's okay. I've got other stuff to do.

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Now playing: Augustana - Hey Now